Performance Evaluation

I joined my town's public library staff almost one year ago. This past week I received my first performance evaluation.

The evaluation was divided into specific areas, each having the potential to be marked with numbers ranging from 5 ("consistently exceeds expectations") down to 1 ("seriously deficient, needs immediate improvement"), with 3 being average for "meets expectations." Detailed comments accompanied the marks.

Thankfully, I received nothing under a 3 in any of the ten areas. I even scored a couple of 5's -- yes, I do shine at helping our young patrons find just the right book and keep them coming back for more. My "Miss Ruby's Story Time" is the highlight of my week, right down to the variety of red shoes I get to wear on Wednesdays, and apparently it shows. And my monthly teen group has begun to really take off.

And yeah, OK, I could do a little more with advertising/promoting our programs to the general community.

And I probably could spend a little more time collaborating with area schools to coordinate and supervise youth volunteers in the public library.

Why do those 3's sorta bother me? I guess I will forever be a perfectionist, seeking to achieve above average ratings in every area of my life.

Which brings me to the actual topic for this week's blog. I care even more about how I am doing as a person than how I am doing as an employee.

So I thought I would take a bit of time this morning to give myself a performance evaluation. An evaluation of the areas of my real life, the one outside of the work day.

Hmmm........how do I divide that up into areas to be ranked?

#1 I think of myself as a MOTHER.

I consistently keep in touch with my college-aged adult children via text messaging, email, and phone calls. I listen. I let them vent and try my hardest NOT to tell them what to do. I applaud their successes and tell them how proud I am, how proud they should feel of themselves. Occasionally, I send care packages containing things like brownies made from scratch, a loaded Starbucks card, something fun from the Clinique counter, some new running socks. I try not to guilt them with my missing them and too many days/weeks going by without the time to have a real conversation with them. Don't always succeed, though.

I give myself a 4. Areas needing improvement include that guilt thing. And maybe actually letting go of the control I still sometimes want to exert, but can't.

#2 I am a WIFE

This is quickly becoming the #1 area, though, as the kids need me less and less, and move farther and farther away from my sphere of influence. Mark and I are drawing closer as we come to terms with being left with only each other here at home.

Soo......how have I been measuring up as his wife? I plan and shop for and cook nutritious meals for the two of us. His drawers and closet are kept full of clean clothes. The house we share is kept at a level we both are mostly comfortable with, although it's not as clean and tidy as it was when I was not working full time. I am interested in what he does at work, and listen to those ups and downs on a daily basis. I also share mine with him. I let him know I appreciate the things he does that I never have to think about. We seem to share the same level of needs and expecations for physical intimacy, so he hasn't any complaints there. I love and respond to his touch. We rarely argue or fight, except when he's exercising his tendency to run late and I like to arrive everywhere at least a full 10 -15 minutes early. Then, of course, I am royally pissed off. I absolutely hate pulling into the parking lot when the previews have already started, having to find a seat in an already dark theatre. And I let him know it.

I think I've earned a 5.



*****And my old home computer just kicked me off the internet. I'd better try to reconnect and then post this before I lose it all. I will continue my performance evaluation in other areas next week. DAUGHTER. SISTER. FRIEND. SELF.

Besides, I hear my garden calling me.